so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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