the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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