Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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