I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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