we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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