I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i drank out of a bidet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
