she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
