Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You ruined the universe
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
