420 ftw
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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