I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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