Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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