she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
