You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
