He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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