I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
