Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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