This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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