Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
