I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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