so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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