Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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