Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
