What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
