Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
