I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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