where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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