i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
