its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My life is pants optional.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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