I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So much rum. So many feels.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
