when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
