I cannot find my penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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