We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
