please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
