She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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