1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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