Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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