I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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