you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
