well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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