and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
