I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
