Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Please don't give away my fajitas
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
