Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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