I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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