You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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