I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
