Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
NoShamevember. You game?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
