I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
