The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
