Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
