Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
