you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
