Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
