I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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